CHAPTER II.

THE THREE ODDITIES.

The locksmith lifted his tumbler to his eye’s level, admired the liquor
with pleasure, and said after sipping it with gratification:

“Bless you, yes, plenty of locksmiths at Paris.”

He drank a few drops more.

“Ay, and masters of the craft.” He drank again. “Yes, but there is a
difference between them.”

“Hang me,” said the other, “but I believe you are like St. Eloi, our
patron saint, master among the master-workmen.”

“Are you one of us?”

“Akin, my boy: I am a gunsmith. All smiths are brothers. This is a
sample of my work.”

The locksmith took the gun from the speaker’s hands, examined it with
attention, clicked the hammers and approved with a nod of the sharp
action of the lock: but spying the name on the plate, he said:

“Leclere? this won’t do, friend, for Leclere is scanty thirty, and we
are both a good forty, without meaning to hurt your feelings.”

“Quite true, I am not Leclere, but it is the same thing, only a little
more so. For I am his master.”

“Oh, capital!” chuckled the locksmith; “it is the same as my saying ‘I
am not the King but I am the same thing, only more so, as I am his
master.’”

“Oho,” said the other rising and burlesquing the military salute, “have
I the honor of addressing Master Gamain, the King of Locksmiths?”

“Himself in person, and delighted if he can do anything for you,”
replied Gamain, enchanted at the effect his name had produced.

“The devil! I had no idea I was talking to one of the high flyers in our
line,” said the other. “A man so well considered.”

“Of such consequence, do you mean?”

“Well, maybe I have not used the right word, but then I am only a poor
smith, and you are the master smith for the master of France. I say,” he
went on in another tone, “it can’t be always funny to have a king for a
‘prentice, eh?”

“Why not?”

“Plain enough. You cannot eternally be wearing gloves to say to the mate
on your bench: ‘Chuck us the hammer or pass the retail file along.’”

“Certainly not.”

“I suppose you have to say: ‘Please your gracious Majesty, don’t hold
the drill askew.’”

“Why, that is just the charm with him, d’ye see, for he is a
plain-dealer at heart. Once in the forge, when he has the anvil to the
fore, and the leathern apron tied on, none would ever take him for the
Son of St. Louis, as he is called.”

“Indeed you are right, it is astonishing how much he is like the next
man.”

“And yet these perking courtiers are a long time seeing that.”

“It would be nothing if those close around him found that out,” said the
stranger, “but those who are at a distance are beginning to get an idea
of it.”

His queer laugh made Gamain look at him with marked astonishment. But he
saw that he had blundered in his pretended character by making a
witticism, and gave the man no time to study his sentence, for he
hastened to recur to the topic by saying:

“A good thing, too; for I think it lowers a man to have to slaver him
with Your Majesty here and My Noble Sire there.”

“But you do not have to call him high names. Once in the workshop we
drop all that stuff. I call him Citizen, and he calls me Gamain, but I
ain’t what you would call chummy with him, while he _is_ familiar with
me.”

“That is all very well; but when the dinner hour comes round I expect he
sends you off to the kitchen to have your bread and cheese with the
flunkeys.”

“Oh, Lor’, No! he has never done that; quite the other way about, for he
gets me to bring in a table all set into the workshop and he will often
put his legs under the mahogany with me, particularly at breakfast,
saying: ‘I shall not bother about having breakfast with the Queen, as I
should have to wash my hands.’”

“I can’t make this out.”

“You can’t understand that when the King works like us, he has his hands
smeared with oil and rust and filings, which does not prevent us being
honest folks, and the Queen would say to him, with her hoity-toity
prudish air: ‘Dirty beggar, your hands are foul.’ How can a man have a
fop’s hands if he works at the forge?”

“Don’t talk to me about that–I might have married high if I could have
kept my fingers nice,” sighed the stranger.

“Let me tell you that the old chap does not have a lively time in his
geographical study or his library; but I believe he likes my company the
best.”

“That is all very amusing for you, except having to endure so poor a
pupil.”

“Poor,” repeated Gamain. “Oh, no, you must not say that. He is to be
pitied, to tell the truth, in his coming into the world as a king, for
he is but a man–and having to waste himself on a pack of nonsense
instead of sticking to our art, in which he makes good way. He will
never be but a third-rate king for he is too honest, but he would have
made an excellent locksmith. There is one man I execrate for stealing
away his time–that Necker fellow, who made him lose such a lot of
time!”

“You mean with his accounts and financing.”

“Ay, his fine-Nancy-ing, indeed.”

“But you must make a fat thing out of such a lad to bring on.”

“No, that is just where you are in error: that is why I bear a grudge to
him, Louis the Father of the Kingdom, the Restorer of the French Nation!
People believe that I am rich as _Creases_, while I am as poor as Job.”

“You, poor? why, what does he do with all his money?”

“He gives half to the poor and the other half is got away by his
parasites, so that he never has any brass. The Coigny, Polignac and
Vaudreuil families eat him up, poor dear old boy! One day he wanted to
cut down Lord Coigny’s appointments, and the gentleman waylaid him at
our forge door: after going out for five minutes, the King came back,
pale as a ghost, muttering: ‘Faith, I believe he would have caned me.’
‘Did he get the appointments reduced, Sire?’ I inquired. ‘I let them
stand,’ he said: ‘what else could I do?’ Another time he wanted to scold
the Queen for giving Duchess Polignac three hundred thousand francs for
the linen for her baby, and what do you think?”

“It is a pretty sum for a baby!”

“Right you are: but it was not enough: the Queen made him give her five
hundred thousand. You have only to look how these Polignacs have got on,
who had not a penny when they started in, but are running away from
France with millions. I should not have minded if they had any talent,
but just give those neerdowells a hammer or cold chisel; they could not
forge a horseshoe: give them file and screw-driver and see how they
would get on at a common lock! However, they can wag the tongue to some
purpose, since they hounded the King on so that they leave him in a
quagmire. He may flounder out as best he can, with the help of General
Lafayette and Mayor Bailly, and Lord Mirabeau. I gave him good advice,
but he would not listen to me, and he leaves me with fifteen hundred
livres a-year, though I am his trainer, who first showed him to hold a
file properly.”

“But I suppose that when you worked with him, there were some pickings?”

“But am I working with him now? Since the Taking of the Bastile, I have
not set foot inside his palace. Once or twice I met him: the first time,
as there was a crowd about in the street, he just bobbed his head; the
next, on the Satory Road, he stopped the coach for the coast was clear.
‘Good morning, my poor Gamain, how goes it?’ he sighed. ‘How goes it
with you, Sire? but I know it is rough–but that will be a lesson to
you.’ ‘Are your wife and children well?’ he said to shift the talk. ‘All
fine but with appetites like ogres.’ ‘You must make them a little
present from me.’ He searched his pockets, but he could rake up only
nine louis. ‘That is all I carry with me, my poor Gamain,’ he said with
a kind of groan, ‘and I am ashamed to do so little.’ Of course, it was
small cash for a monarch to give, short of ten gold pieces, so paltry a
sum to a work-fellow–So—-“

“You refused them?”

“Catch me? No, I said: ‘I had better grab, for he will meet somebody
else not so delicate as me, who would take them.’ Still, he need not
fret himself, I shall never walk into Versailles unless I am sent for,
and I do not know as I shall then.”

“What a grateful heart this rogue has,” muttered the stranger, but all
he said aloud was: “It is very affecting, Master Gamain, to see devotion
like yours survive misfortune. A last glass to the health of your
‘prentice.”

“Faith, he does not deserve it, but never mind! here’s to his health,
all the same!” He drank. “Only to think that he had thousands of bottles
in his cellar which would beat this, and he never said to a footman:
Take a basket of this lush to my friend Gamain!’ Not he–he would sooner
have it swilled by his Lifeguardsmen, the Swiss, or his Flanders
Regiment. They did him a lot of good, I do not think!”

“What did you expect?” questioned the other, sipping his wine, “kings
are ungrateful like this one. But hush! we are no longer alone.”

In fact, three persons were entering the drinking saloon, two men of the
common sort and a fishfag, and they took seats at the table matching
that at which Gamain and his “treater” were sitting.

The locksmith raised his eyes to them and stared with an attention
making the other smile. They were truly worthy of some remark.

One of the two men was all body: the other all legs: it was hard to say
anything about the woman.

All-Body resembled a dwarf: he was under five feet in hight: he may have
lost an inch or so from his knees knocking although when he stood up,
his feet kept apart. Instead of his countenance redeeming the deformity,
it seemed to highten it;–for his oily and dirty hair was flattened down
on his bald forehead; his eyebrows were so badly shaped as to seem
traced at random; his eyes were usually dull but when lighted up sheeny
and glassy as the toad’s. In moments of irritation, they threw out
sparks like a viper’s, from concentrated pupils. His nose was flat, and
deviated from the straight line so that his prominent cheek bones stood
out all the more. Lastly, to complete the hideous aspect, his yellow
lips only partly covered the few, black and loose teeth in his twisted
mouth.

At first glance you would say that gall, not blood, flowed in his veins.

The other was so opposed to the short-legged one that he seemed a heron
on its stilts. The likeness to the bird was the closer from his head
being lost between his humped shoulders so as to be distinguished solely
by the eyes, like blood-spots, and a long, pointed, beak-like nose. Like
the heron, too, he seemed to have the ability to stretch his neck, and
put out the eyes of one at a distance. His arms also were gifted with
this elasticity, and while seated, he might pick up a handkerchief
dropped at his feet without moving his body.

The third person was ambiguous; it being difficult to divine the sex. If
a man, he was upwards of thirty-four, wearing a stylish costume of the
fishmarket stallkeepers, with lace kerchief and tucker, and gold
earrings and chain. His features, as well as could be made out through
layers of rouge and flake white, together with beauty-patches of
sticking plaster of all fancy shapes, were slightly softened as in
degenerated races. As soon as one caught sight of him one wanted to hear
him speak in the hope that the voice’s sound would give his dubious
appearance a stamp by which he could be classed. But it was nothing to
the purpose: his soprano voice left the curious observer still deeper
plunged into doubt.

The shoes and stockings of the trio were daubed in mud to show that they
had been tramping in the road for some time.

“Lord save us, I seem to know that woman, from having met her before,”
said Gamain.

“Very likely at court,” sneered the pretended workman “their manners
have been there quite a while and they have been visitors, the
fishmarket dames, of late. But,” he went on, pulling his cap down on his
brow and taking up his gun, “they are here on business: consequently, we
had better leave them alone.”

“Do you know them?”

“By sight. Do you?”

“I say that I have met the woman before: tell me who the men are and I
may put my finger on her name.”

“Of the two men, the knock-kneed one is the surgeon, Jean Paul Marat;
while the humpback is Prosper Verrieres.”

“Aha!”

“Does not that put you on the right track?”

“My tongue to the dogs if it does!”

“The fishwoman is—-“

“Wait, it is–but, no–impossible—-“

“I see that you will not name _him_–the fish_woman_ is the Duke of
Aiguillon.”

At this utterance of the title, the disguised nobleman started and
turned, as well as his companions. They made a movement to rise as men
do when in presence of a leader: but the pretended gunsmith laid a
finger on his lips and passed them by.

Gamain followed him, believing he was in a dream.

At the doorway he was jostled by a running man, who seemed to be pursued
by a mob, shouting:

“Stop him–that is the Queen’s hairdresser! stop the hairdresser!”

Among the howling and racing men were two who carried each a human head
on a pikestaff. They were those of two Lifeguards, killed at Versailles
in defending the Queen from the mob.

“Halloa, it is Leonard,” said the strange workman, to the fugitive.

“Silence, do not name me,” yelled the barber, dashing into the saloon.

“What do they chase him for?” inquired Gamain.

“The Lord knows,” was the response: “maybe they want him to curl the
hair of the poor soldiers. In Revolutionary times, fellows have such
quaint fancies!”

He mixed in with the throng, leaving Gamain, from whom he had probably
extracted all he wanted, to make his way alone to his workshop at
Versailles.